The council of COS bears particular and ultimate responsibility for a ministry in support of marriage. This responsibility can be exercised in various ways.

First, the married members of council should model the biblical ideas of marriage–the ideals of a total and unbreakable commitment, of faithfulness, of caring and respect, and of acceptance and forgiveness.

Second, the council needs to promote the educational ministries of the church. These ministries may be from the pulpit, educational classes, retreats and households. These ministries should inform us of biblical teachings about marriage and also the values within our culture which have a tendency to destroy marital commitment.

Third, when separation or divorce is contemplated, the couple is requested to meet with the elders, and they are encouraged to do so as soon as possible.

Fourth, the council will work to build and maintain a network of relevant services and resources in the community. Information about such services and resources will be provided by the church, and, when necessary, their use promoted.

Fifth, the council of COS also commits itself to strengthen pastoral care to marriages. This pastoral care comes from many sources: the pastor, members of council, teachers, household members, and other members of the congregation. However, regardless of where the pastoral care originates, the elders must bear the ultimate responsibility of its exercise.

Sixth, the elders on council must carry the ultimate responsibility of seeing that ministry to marriages is taking place. Sometimes this will imply working through other members; sometimes the responsibility must be exercised by the council members directly. They must see that it follow biblical principles, is appropriate to the particular situation, and seeks reconciliation and repentance. The elders should initiate involvement as soon as difficulties are known, and continue for as long as is necessary.

In this ministry, reconciliation is the ideal goal and empathy and compassion must characterize the ministry. But we must also realize that reconciliation will not always be achieved and that possibly members of a marriage will remain unrepentant and unforgiving. In these cases it may be necessary for the elders to take such action as prohibiting them from the sacraments, from leadership positions in the church and from formal association with the church. Such action may be taken only after much prayer and counsel has been given, and much compassion has been shown.

But we must also understand that this ideal goal of reconciliation cannot always be realized. Sometimes the alienation is so profound, and sometimes the causes of alienation are not capable of being resolved, that a reconciliation cannot be realized. At these times our goal must be to make the hurting person or persons realize and affirm their relationship to God and to the other members of the church community.

It is true that we live in extremely difficult days, days when biblical standards and a life faithful to the commands of God are constantly being challenged and attacked by the very fabric of the culture in which we live. These are days which call us to obedience and faithfulness to our calling from God, both in our personal lives and in our relationships with others.

Since family is the most foundational social relationship, we all have a profound responsibility toward bringing healing into the marriage relationship, which is under such special attack by the forces of sin in the world today.

We must never diminish or surrender the biblical ideal of marriage–a total and unbreakable commitment based on love and faithfulness. We must resist the forces of sin that so constantly assail this relationship, to the point of weakening it or destroying it. But we also must show compassion and acceptance to those who have been hurt by a failed relationship. They must be ministered to, and made to feel a part of the larger community so that healing can take place in their personal lives within the Christian community. In summary, each of us has a profound obligation to live a life worthy of the Gospel of Christ, both in our personal lives and in our social relationships.